First of all let me start off by saying, Happy New Year to everyone. Let’s make this year a good’un!
I’m going to share a story about something that happened to me last week.
Okay so on New Years I was out in Itaewon (which is the foreign area of Seoul) celebrating with some friends. It was one of those rare occasions where I was completely feeling myself and was being a bit more liberal than I usually would be. We were hanging around outside a club called Soho which is in the gay district called ‘Homo Hill’ (I kid you not) and a guy comes up to our group-I had seen him before with a bunch of mutual friends who are also gay so I just assumed he was gay too. Turns out he wasn’t, and he made a beeline for me and the other straight girls I was standing with. He was a nice guy, funny, handsome and all that good stuff and we ended up making out for the rest of the night.
I tell you, I’m 27 now and that’s the first time I’ve never kissed a stranger before-I liked the thrill of it but it’s definitely not a wise thing to do all the time. Eventually as the party wound down the guy wanted to go back to the room he had booked, but since he’s from a small town outside of Seoul he had no idea where the place was (plus by that time, the guy was very drunk). So I helped him find it because I know the area well. He asked me to stay a little while with him until he fell asleep and I agreed, because hey why not?
We never slept together (as in had sex) but we stayed up talking for about three hours and I learned a lot about him and where he was from and vice versa.
I eventually left and went home. When I woke up (which was mid-afternoon) I dropped him a message on Kakaotalk because we had already exchanged numbers beforehand.
He told me he enjoyed hanging with me and how he’d like to see me soon, which felt nice because I definitely wanted to see him again, as its not often you find down to earth expats here that aren’t on some bullshit.
So over the course of the week I made an effort to maintain some form of contact. I never phoned him, but I would kakaotalk him messages like, ‘how have you been?’ and regular boring stuff like that. Most of the time he wouldn’t reply until the next day, which was the first red flag-because what he’d do is then come out of nowhere and then start talking to me when he was drunk about all kinds of sex-related stuff.
Then there was the fact that he was very negative about Korea and disliked when I spoke Korean around him. We had a conversation about his small town and I told him, that if he ever felt boxed in, that he should come and chill with me in Seoul. All I meant by that was that he had a friend in Seoul he could kick it with. Nothing more.
He also had a habit of throwing the word ‘thirsty’ around very liberally as if it were a word he recently learned and he was trying to use it as much as possible.
So a few days ago I was kakaotalking him and I decided I was going to formally ask him ‘out’ to come check me on the weekend. I pretty much said this, ‘Even though you’re not going to be here for a long time, I think it’s worth getting to know you, so I’d like to invite you to come stay with me when you’re free on one weekend’. I never specified when, I just wanted to put it out there that I genuinely wanted to see him again and wasn’t messing around.
If you read this blog you will know that I’m a go-getter of a person, if I see something I want I’ll just go for it. I’ve been rejected so many times in so many different ways but that will never stop my reign of terror (sarcasm) because to be honest I LIKE being the girl with her heart on her sleeve. I like doing kind things because of the warm, fuzzy feeling I get and I like the sweet side of me. Too many times I’ve let anger control me and bring out a horrible side of me that WAY too many people are accustomed to seeing.
So back to the story…
After I asked the dude out, he snapped back at me quickly and said: ‘I was planning to (come see you) and btw you don’t have to keep mentioning that I can come and see you, I can smell your THIRST from here’.
I was very taken aback at that last statement because I had to sit and think-firstly, I only mentioned it once in passing and that was just during a back and forth conversation. And secondly, when did kindness and showing interest become an indication of THIRST? Is our generation so removed from reality that we have to accuse people of being thirsty because we’d like to see them in real life instead of talking through a computer/phone?
After that, I told the guy that if he was going to be rude about it, then to forget about it because I’m a straightforward person. And that was that.
It was only when I was scrolling through our past conversations I noticed how condescending he was and downright rude in regards to certain people or situations.
You’re probably thinking, what is the point of this damn story?
The point is this:
Now first of all what kind of person would that have made me, if I tolerated being spoken to like that? We only receive what we accept in life. Also secondly, for this person specifically, he appealed to the snarky, twitter-speak side of me, always throwing shade and just doing too much. A side of me that really needs to be pushed into the background because it’s not real and it’s not genuine. If I were to let my anger control me or furthermore become truly thirsty and hang around such an individual I’d change as a person.
If I keep changing in negative ways I’ll never meet the person that knows how to respond well to my true side.
I’m unapologetic for my kindness. If I have a friend that I love and I see something I think they will like, I will buy it for them. Sometimes I like to just listen to my friends and family talk for hours about stuff just to make memories of when they were around. I love PEOPLE and there is nothing better than seeing someone laugh or smile.
So yes, stay true to yourself, and the right people will come to you and hopefully stay around you. There’s no time for fakery and fuckery anymore. Just be the 100% version of you and forget who’s not here for it, because they weren’t supposed to be in your life anyway.